just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
