wakey wakey hands off snakey
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
