Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
