I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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