I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
