He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.