I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.