So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police