I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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