I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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