I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
