i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
