I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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