So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
