whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
