every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I die, sorry about rent.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
