so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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