not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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