All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
