Your face is a jimmy john
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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