well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
