Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
