How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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