Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
actually, I'm a sock model
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
