It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
that may or may not have been my penis.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
