So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
