the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
