Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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