you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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