Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
