remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
