I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
