It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
