You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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