before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
