She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
