Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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