nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
