i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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