Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
