i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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