like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i will never coherently bang her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
