y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My balls are so social today.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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