I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
