Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
