i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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