i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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