Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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