no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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