Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
