Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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