Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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