i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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