my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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