If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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