Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
