CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
