This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
