My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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