Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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