my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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