She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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