Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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