The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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