So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
