WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
