if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
