Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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