After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
